Art is a Blast!
by lolcatsmanseven
Summary: Deidara gets sent to Equestria. How will the ponies handle the explosion loving artist? Will he alienate them with his mental instability? Will shenanigan's ensue? I have no idea!
1. Prologue

The wind made his long blonde hair sweep wildly around his head as he rode his clay bird. Deidara glanced back over his shoulder at the pursuing figures deep below him in the gorge.

"The boy has calmed down. What's he planning now, hmm?"

This was unfortunate, as Deidara had been goading Naruto from the start in an attempt to get him to charge recklessly. It had been working, but with Kakashi to keep Naruto in check, it wasn't likely to work anytime soon.

Regardless of what they planned to do, Deidara was confident. The boy was a mere berserker, and Kakashi couldn't cover for him forever. A smirk formed on Deidara's face.

"I'll simply separate them, hmm?" As he said this, Deidara reached a hand into his clay pouch. The mouth on his hand opened, and greedily ate some of his clay. His hand mouth allowed him to create explosive clay sculptures, and when he infused them with chakra they 'came to life.'

"Tsk. Not enough clay left. I'll have to think of something else, hmm?" His hand mouth spit out the wad of clay it had been chewing. He would need to conserve it, for now.

Below Deidara, in the gorge, Naruto turned to his sensei and asked, "Kakashi, aren't you ready yet?"

Naruto was getting impatient. Deidara had hurt Gaara, and he wasn't going to let him get away with it. The moment he had hurt one of Naruto's precious people was the moment his fate had been sealed. Naruto took a deep breath to calm down. He wouldn't win if he lost control.

Kakashi answered, "I told you to calm down." He paused, and then added, "I don't have as much chakra as you. This takes time." As he jumped alongside his student, he formed the 'tiger' hand seal. He closed his eyes as he focused completely on his task. He needed to concentrate, and Naruto's constant interruptions were not helping.

Naruto let out a breath of air he'd been holding, and then refocused forwards on the fleeing form of Deidara. [i]I won't let you get away with this![/i] He thought as he clenched his fists. Memories of Gaara flashed through his mind. He would not let his murderer escape. [i]No! Not his murder! Gaara can't be dead. Not him.[/i]

He glanced back towards his teacher, and asked again, "Kakashi, are you ready yet?"

"Just about."

A few seconds later, Kakashi opened his eyes. His left eye had a strange design on it. Unlike his other eye, the pupil was blood red with a strange pinwheel shape on it.

Naruto looked at Kakashi's strange eye, and asked, "That's what you were telling me about?"

"Right. My new Sharingan. Let's go Naruto!"

They both increased their speed in order to catch up to Deidara. Kakashi's Sharingan eye was a valuable asset, the expert use of which had given him the name Sharingan Kakashi. It had many abilities, chief among them the ability to copy another's techniques; it also dramatically increased one's reaction times. Once a Sharingan user has reached a certain level of strength, they gain access to a unique Mangekyou Sharingan, the abilities of which differ from user to user.

As Naruto and Kakashi jumped through the trees, Kakashi noticed Naruto was staring at him. He glanced over an asked, "What is it?"

Naruto paused a second, then replied, "Kakashi, don't worry if this doesn't work." He then looked up at Deidara and growled, "I'll make sure to finish him."

"Yeah. If it comes to that."

"Right."

Deidara glanced backwards again. "They're still following me, hmm?" He looked down at the tiny figures of Kakashi and Naruto, and chuckled. The confidant smirk never left his face.

Kakashi said, "Let's do it. Naruto, time to back off a bit."

His student nodded. "Got it."

Kakashi looked up at Deidara, and took a deep breath. "Mangekyou Sharingan!"

Deidara looked wildly around. Something was wrong with his vision. It looked like everything was swirling. Almost like the fabric of reality itself was bending. His confidant smirk vanished.

He gasped, and had his clay bird perform evasive maneuvers, yet he could not escape the bending of reality. Deidara felt as if everything was being sucked into one point, and worse still was that the one point was in the center of his chest. His bird swerved wildly, but still the focus of the singularity was on Deidara's chest.

Everything was swaying and moving, as if it was water. Suddenly, Deidara felt like he was collapsing in on himself. He let out a pained yell as he was fully sucked into a singularity.

Naruto asked, "Kakashi sensei? What exactly does your Mangekyou Sharingan do?"

Between deep, panting breaths, Kakashi answered, "It sucks my target into a pocket dimension. Don't worry, Gaara's killer is dead."


	2. Chapter 1

"What hit me, hmm?"

Deidara's eyes snapped open, just in time for a massive headache to hit him like a train. Clenching his teeth, he attempted to remember how he got wherever he was. He looked around, but all he could barely see anything. Looking to his left, he saw the exit to a cave. Looking out it, he could see it was night time.

"This is odd. How could I have gotten here, hmm?"

Suddenly, the fight with Naruto and Kakashi came back to him. Deidara shot to his feet, and looked wildly around for either of the two. All he saw was a series of dripping stalactites. He looked behind him, but all he saw was a large wall. He stood on guard for several tense moments, before deciding that neither of his opponents were in the cave with him. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and sat down.

"Now, did Kakashi's attack somehow hurled me here, hmm?" He asked aloud. He puzzled over the question, before realizing he didn't have enough information to go off of. What did matter was getting more clay so he wasn't helpless. He thought of possible places to gather some as he leaned back into the wall.

"You know, this walls pretty soft. I really lucked out in choices of caves, hmm?" His eyes shot open as what he said registered. "Wait, a soft wall, hmm?" He turned around, and was greeted with the muzzle of a three story, blue bear.

Suddenly, it's eyes opened.

Deidara slowly got to his feet, and started backing away towards the cave's exit. "Tsk. I don't want to use my clay if I can help it, hmm?"

The bear got to its feet, and glared down at the tiny creature that had dared to disturb its rest. Mercy would not be forthcoming.

As soon as the beast lunged for Deidara, he jumped for the exit, clearing it just before the bear's jaws slammed shut. Unperturbed by the speed of its new prey, the bear charged Deidara again.

As he leapt back yet again, Deidara snaked a hand into his clay pouch, his hand mouth devouring the last of his clay. As his hand mouth chewed, Deidara continued to dodge the wild swipes of the bear's paws. He withdrew his hand from the pouch, and opened it. Sitting in his palm was a small clay sparrow.

"How'd you like to become art, hmm?"

The sparrow's wings began to beat up and down, it took off and flew right to the bear. The bear seemed puzzled by the lifelike sculpture in front of it's head. Suddenly it lunged forward to bite it.

"Katsu!"

As soon as Deidara said that, the sparrow exploded. The huge bear's head was almost completely destroyed, and its remains were blown back twenty feet. Despite having no clay left, Deidara's confident smirk returned.

"And so it is over, hmm? Of course, art can never last for more than a second."

Before he could begin a monologue on art, the ground began to shudder. The shaking was so strong that Deidara almost lost his balance, before realizing he was hearing massive footsteps. The footsteps ceased, and still smirking, Deidara looked up. His was met with an earth-shattering roar. For above him, was a purple bear many times larger than the one he had just killed.

"Not good, hmm?"

As if to answer Deidara's question, the purple monstrosity roared again, with a twinge of sadness in its voice. It disconsolately pawed at the broken body of the blue bear, before loosing another roar to the heavens. It stomped the ground, before turning back to Deidara.

"Not good at all, hmm?"

Celestia awoke to the sound of an ear splitting roar. She sat up in her bed, and desperately looked around for the source of the noise. When nothing in her room was amiss, she lay back down and sighed.

"Must have been a nightmare."

She heard another roar, and was so startled she actually fell out of her bed. She then heard huge crashing noises in the distance. Celestia heard running hoofsteps in the hall outside of her room, so she was not startled when Luna barged into her room.

"Tia, what was that?"

Celestia got up to her hooves, and said, "I don't know." She glanced longingly at her bed before adding, "But I guess we'll have to find out."

Celestia and Luna exited her room, and began walking down the hall at a brisk pace. They exited the castle onto a balcony, and took off into the night sky.

Deidara was currently running for his life. He jumped to another branch, just as the one he had previously occupied was destroyed by a single swipe of the monstrosity's claws. He had been chased for the better part of an hour; this exertion combined with his previous fights had left him exhausted.

"Yeah, you're pretty angry, hmm? Are you angry that I killed your cub? Well now, too bad you can't catch me, hmm?"

Even as he ran for his life, Deidara couldn't stop taunting the giant bear. He wasn't sure if it could understand him or not, but the taunts made him more confident. As he dodged yet another strike, he said, "If you can't even touch me without my clay, then you'd be dead if I had it, hmm?"

He jumped again, but landed on a dead branch. As soon as his feet hit it, it collapsed. Deidara fell to the ground just as the monstrosity caught up. He shakily got to his feet; exhaustion was beginning to get the better of him. He jumped back into the trees a little slower.

A fair distance away, two alicorns were gliding through the air. They were heading for the source of the disturbance. They had been flying from Canterlot for nearly an hour and a half, and had entered the Everfree Forest a short while ago. From their distance, the giant bear was only just visible.

"Is… is that an Ursa Major?" Luna asked her older sister.

"There's no doubt. But what's it doing this close to the edge of the Everfree Forest?" Celestia questioned back as they both drew ever closer to the rampaging beast.

Luna didn't answer, and the Alicorn sisters just concentrated on flying faster. It was getting closer to Ponyville, and they couldn't let the Ursa Major reach it. They flew ever faster, until they were going as fast as they could.

Deidara was exhausted. He'd been running for nearly two hours. He'd stopped actively taunting the bear half an hour ago when it became clear that there was no way he could outrun it.

He stumbled on a tree branch, and fell to the ground again. He hit his head on a rock, and this time he didn't get back up. Panting, he looked up at the monstrosity bearing down on him. His vision was fading. Suddenly, he laughed, "Ah-ha-ha-ha. You think a dumb bear can kill me, hmm? I freaking hate bears! You think you can kill an artist just like this? You can't, hmm!"

The giant bear roared down at its child's murderer. Deidara screamed in rage and defiance back at it. The bear raised its paw to end it.

"Art is a blast!" Deidara shouted.

The giant paw, his would-be executioner, was stopped by a blue, glowing barrier.

"A barrier jutsu, hmm?" Deidara wondered aloud.

He saw the monster take a step back, then roar again. He then saw streaks of bright light start hitting the bear.

"I'm being saved? By who, hmm?" Unfortunately, he wouldn't be awake to greet his rescuers.


	3. Chapter 2

/-

/ Story: Art is a Blast!

/ Chapter: Awakening

/ Author: lolcatsmanseven

/-

Deidara's eyes snapped open. He was laying on his side, and staring at some sort of cloth. After several moments of intense examination, Deidara decided that he was looking at a tapestry. It was a deep purple, and covered in designs of small multicolored horses. One detail stood out.

"Are some of them wearing clothes, hmm?" Deidara asked no one in particular.

Indeed, it appeared that many of the horses pictured were wearing some sort of clothes.

"How would horses put on clothes? They don't have hands, hmm?"

He then continued looking around the room. He noticed he was currently laying on a large, four poster bed. The walls were stone, and so was the floor. There was a door, and a curtain that covered a doorway leading somewhere. There were several windows that allowed light to trickle through and highlight the dust motes floating in the air.

He could see a large wooden armoire, unfortunately, the doors were closed so he couldn't see inside it. On one of the doors was a full length mirror; due to the angle Deidara was viewing it at it pointed towards a blank patch of wall. The armoire was covered in intricate carvings, again of horses.

After memorizing every detail of the room, Deidara thought over how he could've gotten there. He could remember killing the huge bear, then being chased by a bigger bear. His memory ended just as a barrier saved him from certain death. So did his presence in a bed mean someone intentionally rescued him? He thought over the situation several times, before shaking his head.

"Just sitting here all day won't help me, hmm?" He said to himself.

As soon as he finished shaking his head, a wave of nausea hit him, forcing his head to drop his head to the pillow. The nausea receded, only to be replaced by a pounding headache. The feeling was akin to having a kunai shoved through his temple. Clenching his teeth to keep from crying out, Deidara resolved to wait out the pain.

After several tense minutes, the pain receded to a manageable level. Deidara panted slightly, before attempting to blow a stray lock of hair out of his right eye. It didn't work, so he reached up to push it out of his face.

"What? What is this?"

Where his hand should be, there was only a hoof with a mouth on the bottom. Deidara just stared at it for several heart beats. Hesitantly, he attempted to move his hand. The hoof moved instead. He repeated this action several times, before bringing up his other hand. Another hoof, also with a mouth on the bottom, moved close to his face.

Stunned, he brought both hooves to his face. He was startled when both hoof-mouths licked his cheek. Ignoring the dampness, he felt his face, but found it to be misshapen. His nose and mouth stuck way out past where they should be.

Deidara lept, though some would call it falling, out of the bed and onto the floor. He had to look in the mirror on the armoire. He attempted to stand up, but every time he tried he immediately fell over. Ignoring the fresh waves of pain and nausea, he crawled over to the base of the armoire. Summoning all of his strength, he pushed himself up until he could see himself.

"I'm a horse?" He practically screamed before collapsing onto the floor. Bringing up a hoof, he shattered the mirror sending shards of glass all over the floor and himself. Regardless of the many cuts he had given himself, Deidara slammed his hoof into the armoire again and again. He shattered the door, and began pounding the floor until he was too tired to continue.

It appeared his energy had left him, leaving his prone form covered in shattered glass, wood splinters, and blood.

Deidara's ears perked up. He heard the sound of running, but it sounded wrong. It sounded like whomever was running was wearing tap shoes, and the pacing was all wrong.

"Well, I guess I'm finally going to meet my hosts, hmm?" Deidara said as he lifted up his head to look at the door.

The door burst open and a horse burst in, dressed in a maid outfit. The horse looked at Deidara and froze, she grew pale at the sight of the blood coating the floor. Suddenly she let out a piercing shriek, before turning around and running out of the room.

"Wait! Tsk, why'd I ask a horse if to wait. Unless it's a summon, it couldn't understand me."

Determined to find his host, Deidara sucked in a breath of air and got to his hooves. He promptly fell over, as his hand-mouths's tongues were now filled with glass shards. When he fell to the floor, even more glass went into him, doubling the amount of blood that coated a sizable portion of the floor.

He heard the sound of running tap shoes again, but this time there seemed to be many people running down the hall. Multiple horses burst into the room; several wearing doctor garb, and several wearing some sort of gold armor.

"About time someone greeted me, hmm?" Deidara asked from the ground.

One of the doctor horses stepped forward. He had a short cropped brown mane, light brown fur, and glasses. He turned to one of his companions and said, "Zis ist not goot. Qvically, ve must get him to an operating room. Guards, put him on a stretcher."

"Hey, what are you doing, hmm? Don't touch me you quacks!" Deidara shouted at the approaching doctors. When they didn't stop coming, he lashed out with a hoof. He cracked one of the doctors in the face, knocking off his glasses. Deidara immediately found himself tackled by multiple guards.

The pony who first talked pulled out a needle and stabbed it into Deidara's flank. His world started spinning, and he felt himself falling. The last thing he heard was the original doctor saying, "Let's go practice medicine."


	4. Chapter 3

/-

/ Story: Art is a Blast!

/ Chapter: I don't like her

/ Author: lolcatsmanseven

/-

Deidara awake to the sound of a conversation. Without opening his eyes, he attempted to move, but felt straps wrapped around all four of his limbs, and one across his chest. He was laying on his side on a very hard mattress. His eyes still closed he focused on listening to his surroundings.

"Ve haff stabilized him. He vill be vaking up soon."

Deidara then heard a regal, feminine voice reply, "I thank you for the excellent job you did, doctor."

"Your thanks is most appreciated. But, I haff other patients to attend to. Guut day."

Deidara then heard hoofsteps walking away, and the creak of a door opening and closing. He knew that there was still one other person still in the room with him. He considered what would be the best course of action, before giving a mental shrug and just winging it.

He opened his eyes and greeted. "Good morning, hmm?"

The rooms only other occupant responded, "Indeed it was, although it is becoming late in the day. You've been asleep for a while."

Deidara looked at the mare across sitting on a cushion on the other side of the white room. She was much larger than him, and her coat was a glistening white. Her mane had an ethereal quality to it, and it swayed in a breeze only it could feel. She wore a golden tiara with a large purple gem set in it.

Deidara stared intently at her tiara, and decided to use it to start an intelligent discussion.

I was slightly put off by the stranger's behavior. It was standard protocol for any non-pony extra-dimensional travelers to be turned into a pony so as to not scare the inhabitants of Equestria. Normally, the travelers do not adjust to the change well. When I decided to meet the traveler as soon as he-doctors were almost 100 percent positive it was a he-woke up I had been prepared for fury, depression, anxiety, things of that nature. What I was not prepared for was for him to stare creepily at me.

I shifted uncomfortably on my cushion. The pause in the conversation had lasted at least two minutes, and during the entire duration of it the stranger had been staring intently at my head. Now, I wasn't worried that the stranger would try something, he was strapped down securely. No, it just made me really uncomfortable. I was relieved when he opened his mouth to speak.

Deidara cleared his throat with a harsh rasp. Celestia was leaning forwards in anticipation to hear whatever it was about her that entranced him.

"Your tiara..."

I was puzzled. Was he really that enthralled by the beauty of my royal tiara? Yes, it had taken months of the best craftponies in Equestria to make, but it wasn't imposing in the least. That's not to say I don't think it's beautiful, but I had never met anyone who was so intrigued by it.

"...It's really ugly, hmm?"

Celestia resisted the urge to face-hoof.

"Now, as an artist, I can appreciate the effort that must have gone into creating it, but it isn't art, hmm. Your tiara, for example, just sits their, so much potential unrealized. All the effort that went into it is wasted. The only way to truly complete an art is to destroy it, for in the fleeting moment of its destruction is when it shines the brightest, hmm."

I hesitated for a second. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a stuck up blue-blood, but I am used to a certain level of respect. I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation, before I realized he was trolling, or so I thought. So what better way to respond than by trolling as well. If the styles from his home-world were the same as they are here, then he must look feminine.

Celestia had a devious smirk on her face as she responded, "You raise some valid points, I've been meaning to get a new wardrobe. Hey, maybe you'd want to help me pick it out? Now, girl-to-girl, I really love what you do with your mane, it's so luscious. I'll be honest, with your looks, I'll bet you have all the stallions chasing after you." She then stifled a giggle by pretending to clear her throat.

Deidara froze for a second as he tried to understand what she said, before his face got so red that it looked like his face had caught on fire. He took a deep breath before shouting, "I do not look like a girl, hmm!"

"Wait, you don't want to look pretty? Oooohhhh, I get it. Don't worry, here in Equestria we are very supportive of transgender 'stallions,' and we will fully support you in whatever lifestyle you wish to lead." Celestia said in an accepting tone, while guffawing on the inside.

This just made Deidara even angrier.

"I am not transgender, hmm! I am a very masculine man!"

"Don't worry. I have no doubt that you are very masculine. I must say, it must be nice to have such a strong self-image. I'm sure everyone will view you as the stallion you wish to be."

At this point Deidara began thrashing in his straps in an attempt to get at Celestia. Unfortunately for him, and fortunately for Celestia, he could not undue the straps even after he resorted to biting them. He was interrupted by the sound of her laughing, and suddenly realized she had just been messing with him.

I had been unable to contain my laughter any longer. The look on his face as I said that was simply priceless. I really had him going. He seriously thought that I thought he was a girl, and that really made him angry. I had guessed correctly when I thought he might have been a little self-conscious.

Sullenly, Deidara said, "That wasn't very funny, hmm."

Celestia wiped a tear from her eye as she replied between giggles, "It was."

Deidara just laid there and waited for her to finish laughing.

**Author's note: Will someone please review? I'd really appreciate it. I'm not gonna get all bitchy about it, but it makes me feel bad to have no reviews.**


	5. Chapter 4

/-

/ Story: Art is a Blast!

/ Chapter: A monologue

/ Author: lolcatsmanseven

/-

After Celestia had finally calmed down, the discussion turned to a more serious subject matter.

"So, why am I a pony, hmm?"

"Well, we have had a history of dimension-travelers causing unrest and shock due to their unfamiliar forms. So, it is standard protocol to change their form upon entry to our world into something more... presentable. For the duration of your stay here in Equestria, this will be your form." Celestia explained matter-of-factly. "I'm sorry, but this is non-negotiable."

Deidara slowly nodded his head. This was strange, to be sure, but he came from a world where people could change their form at will, breathe fire, raise the dead, etc. So, this wasn't as big of a shock as it could have been.

After a moment of reflection, he asked, "What happens to me now, hmm?"

Celestia was about to answer, when Deidara cut her off.

"Actually, why am I tied to the bed? Do you really think I'll hurt you, hmm?"

I decided to overlook his rudeness, for now. Apparently he hadn't learned his lesson the first time. Well, Luna doesn't call me Trollestia for nothing. However, I must wait until he least expects it. Ohh yesssss. Then I'll troll him so bad he'll be nothing but polite forever!

Deidara stared at Celestia as she giggled to herself and rubbed her hooves together deviously. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Ahem."

Celestia snapped out of her trance, then replied, "Huh? Oh yes, why are you tied down. I'm not afraid of you hurting me, but I am afraid of you hurting yourself. When you first found out you were a pony, you did not respond well. You are tied down for your own safety."

Deidara closed his eyes, then asked, "Why?"

Celestia was puzzled. "Why what?"

Deidara's eyes snapped open, and he shouted, "Why do you care, hmm? I'm a freaking pony! If I wanted to end my life, then what right do you have to stop me, hmm? I know your type. You think you're better than everyone else. But you know what, your not! You think you alone know what's right, and everyone else had better listen to you, hmm?"

Celestia was shocked, to say the least. This had gone far beyond his usual rudeness. Worse, there had been no indication what was coming. She had given her reasoning for protecting him, and he exploded.

His outburst over, Deidara began to calm down. He was not prepared for what happened next. Celestia stood up, and walked over to Deidara. She bent over him, and hugged him. He froze.

"I know this is hard for you, but I want you to know, I care about you."

Deidara didn't respond. Celestia continued hugging him for almost an entire minute, before letting go and returning to her seat.

"So, what is your name?" Celestia asked, hoping to move past that moment.

"Deidara, hmm." He had calmed down to his original composure.

"Well, Deidara, why don't I get those straps untied and you can tell me what is it that you did in your world as we go get some lunch?"

At the mention of what he did, Deidara brightened up considerably.

"Well, I was part of this group called the Akatsuki, but mainly I was an artist, hmm."

At this point Celestia had untied him, and they were walking out the door.

"So, what kind of art did you create?"

Deidara beamed.

"Well, before I begin, let's talk about the nature of beauty, hmm? Beauty can only be found in..."

Four hours later...

"...but of course, just because someone puts effort into a piece, it doesn't mean it is quality art, hmm? See, the effort one puts into it is merely the potential, it is only at the end that the potential is realized. The very nature of the transformation is what we define as art, hmm, because life is change, so we apply what we know, which in this case is change, to our desires, what we want. So when you see something static, you say to yourself 'this isn't real,' and because you can't view it as real, you can't view it as art, hmm. Of course, many people think that...

Deidara had been talking for more than four hours about art, and Celestia couldn't take it anymore. She had thought it was tiring to hold court with stuffy nobles for six hours a day, but she would rather trade Deidara's lecture on art with a treatise on the economic benefits of standardizing which side door hinges are on.

Ever since Celestia had asked him about his art, he hadn't stopped talking. He talked through lunch. He talked after lunch. He followed her around the gardens talking about art. Even after Celestia dropped subtle hints like, 'Well, that was a good discussion.' Deidara hadn't stopped talking. Finally, she could take no more.

"...and he said 'art is beauty, captured in such a way that it can be viewed and appreciated forever, hmm. And, while I respect him as a fellow artist, he's wrong on several key points such as..."

"Deidara."

"...if it can be viewed time and again, then it has to lose some of its meaning, hmm. Of course, when I told him that, he..."

"Deidara!"

"Yes?"

Celestia gave him a nervous smile, and said, "As much as I have enjoyed our discussion, I, uhh, have to talk to the royal carpenter about door hinges! So, uhh, why don't you talk to my sister, Princess Luna? She also loves art!"

"Yes, I would like to talk to her. Though you are suitably appreciative of my art, I'm not sure if you can really understand what I'm saying, hmm?"

Celestia resisted the urge to face-hoof. "Yes, well, I'm sure you won't have that problem with her."

At this moment, Luna had the misfortune to walk by.

"Aha! There she is!" Celestia lowered her head and pushed Deidara towards her. "Luna, this is Deidara. Deidara, Luna. Well, I have to go. Deidara, be sure to tell her all about your art! Tata~" And Celestia all but galloped away.

"Soooo," Luna began, "You're an artist?"

She would regret asking that question.

**Author's Note: Guys, is this story so bad that not a single person will leave a review? Come on.**


	6. Chapter 5

Art is a Blast! by lolcatsmanseven

I gave out a small sigh. This was the life. I had managed to ditch Deidara onto Lulu about three hours ago, and now I was free. I was laying on my back on my bed, with my head hanging off the side. I was rhythmically tapping my horn against the stone floor, in tune to the mad beats of DJ PON-3.

Suddenly, my bedroom door was smashed open by a dark blue blast of magic. I turned my head, and was greeted by the sight of Lulu dashing into my room and then slamming the door. She glanced wildly around, before letting out a breath and collapsing against the wall.

She was panting pretty hard, and that made me worried about my baby sister. "Lulu, are you ok?" I asked concernedly.

Lulu looked up at me with bloodshot eyes. "No. No I am not. How… how could you do that to me?" She questioned.

I rolled over onto my stomach. I didn't know what she was talking about, but then I remembered how I had managed to get rid of Deidara. I chuckled a little. No wonder she was mad at me.

"Oh, yes, well, I am sorry about that." I flashed her a warm smile. "But come now, it couldn't have been that bad." _Yes it could. _I reminded myself.

Lulu flopped dramatically onto the floor, and beat her hooves on the stone. "It… it was horrible. I shouldn't have told him that art is eternal. As soon as I did, he demanded I defend my viewpoint. I tried, but he was so mean. I tried walking away, but he followed me. I started running, but he ran faster. I finally managed distract him with a bottle of my best shampoo, and I came straight here."

The entire time she said this, she was looking alertly all around, as if Deidara would somehow manage to appear in the room with us, still wanting to discuss art. I got off my bed, and walked over to Lulu. Bending down, I softly nuzzled her.

"Don't worry, I have the perfect idea." I told my baby sister conspiratorially.

She raised her head and made eye contact with me. "What?"

I leaned over and whispered into her ear.

Lulu's eyes widened comically, and she let out an extremely loud guffaw. After several minutes of laughter, she wiped a tear from her eye with her hoof. "Oh, you troll." She said while she playfully tapped my shoulder.

I walked over to my desk and got out some parchment. I had a letter to write to a certain faithful student.

Deidara was staring out a window and watching a prodigious mountain pass by. He was currently sitting on a red velvet seat, with his face pressed up against the glass of a window. His brow was furrowed as he thought about why he was currently sitting on a train bound for Ponyville.

"They think they can just get rid of me, hmm?"

He was a little bit bitter that the two Princesses had arranged for him to, as Celestia put it, study the magic of friendship. Luna had put it less eloquently, she had told him it was so he couldn't bother them any more.

"I'm not bothersome. I am an extremely fascinating artist, hmm. I am a master at many discussion topics, there's no way they could have been tired of me already."

Sighing, Deidara turned and looked over at the other ponies sharing his train car.

The only pony of note in the entire car was sitting across from him, on the other side. He was of average size, which made him visibly taller than Deidara. He had a light tan coat and a dark tan mane styled in a psuedo-pompador. His cutie mark was of three horseshoes that looked like they were rotating around each other.

Suddenly the stallion caught Diedara's eye. His eyes widened briefly, before settling back down. Suddenly the tan stallion stood up, and sauntered over to Deidara before sitting down in the seat next to him. He leaned back into his seat before asking, "Soooo, you're going to Ponyville, huh?"

Deidara looked at him quizzically before responding, "Yeah. Why do you want to know, hmm?"

The stallion shuffled a little in his seat, before replying, "Well, Ponyville can be a lot to take in if you're not used to it. My name's Caramel, by the way." He then stuck his hoof out for a hoof-shake.

Deidara looked from Caramel's face to his hoof several times, before reaching out and shaking his hoof. "My name's Deidara, hmm."

Caramel flashed a confident smile. He puffed out his chest, before saying, "I've never heard a name like that before. Where are you from?"

Deidara was intentionally evasive. Princess Celestia had told him in no uncertain terms that he was NOT to let anyone know where he came from, and that he wasn't really a pony. Deidara was confident, but even he didn't want to tango with a goddess. "I'm, not from around here."

There riveting conversation was interrupted first by a shrill whistle from the train, and then by a conductor calling out, "We've arrived at Ponyville. We've arrived at Ponyville."

Deidara shoved past Caramel and stood up. Caramel was a little put-off about being shoved, but he shrugged the feeling off. He saw Deidara awkwardly attempting to put on a saddlebag. Caramel puffed his chest out. This would be his best chance to impress Deidara.

He was walking in a circle, head chasing his tail, as he attempted to get the latch. Suddenly, he noticed a distinct lack of weight on his back, and looked up to see Caramel holding his saddlebag.

Caramel swung the bag onto his back, and then said, "Sorry miss, but I couldn't let someone as pretty as you carry such a heavy bag by yourself." He smiled at the shorter pony and said, "Don't worry, I can carry it fine. Just tell me where you're staying and I'll take you there."

Caramel was completely unprepared for a hoof to meet his face. His legs buckled and he fell to the floor of the station. Apparently he had a glass jaw.

"You think I'm a mare, hmm? What a dumb ass piece of-" Deidara's rant was interrupted by a loud gasp.

He turned around, to be greeted by the sight of six mares staring at him opened mouth.

**Author's note: Hey guys. Sorry this chapter took so long. I was trying to decide where in the timeline this should be set for the maximum fun. I have decided Deidara arrived right after Applebuck Season. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.**


	7. Chapter 6

Art is a Blast! by lolcatsmanseven

Deidara tuned, and looked at the newcomers. He instantly calmed down, then glanced at the prone form of Caramel. "I barely tapped him, hmm."

An orange mare wearing a cowboy hat, and her mane and tail in ponytails leaned over and whispered into the ear of a purple unicorn, "Ah think it was ah bit harder than a tap, Twi."

The purple one, apparently named Twi, looked at the orange one with a look that screamed, "You think?"

Deidara looked down at Caramel, and wondered if he could get away with breaking one, or a few, of his legs, meanwhile the six mares had retreated several yards and where in the middle of a hushed discussion.

The purple one said, "I probably should have said so before, but the Princess warned me that Deidara has severe gender identity issues, and should anypony refer to her as a 'her,' she'll freak out. The Princess says it is imperative that we warn everypony else in Ponyville so they don't make that mistake."

A blue mare with a rainbow colored mane narrowed her eyes. "Anything else you should probably tell us, Twilight?" She asked.

Twilight blushed. "Well, Princess Luna made a small addition to the letter I received from Celestia it said..."

Iron Wing the day guard was currently standing outside of Princess Celestia's room. It was a great honor to guard the Princess when she was at her most vulnerable, and Iron Wing was the best choice for the job. He was completely devoted to the Princess, and would gladly lay down his life for her.

Iron Wing's favorite activity to mentally stimulate himself while on guard duty was to imagine different tactics to protect the Princess from hypothetical enemies. He was currently deciding on whether to barrel roll underneath the legs of the Minotaur attacking a cowering Celestia. Yes, then he would kill the Minotaur, and the Princess would hug her 'hero.'

'You'll need a reward, my faithful, handsome, hero.' Celestia would purr into his ear.

'It's fine, ma'am. It's all in a day's work.' He would stoically reply as she ran a hoof up and down his burly chest.

'Oh, but I simply cannot control myself! I must have you!' She would demand of him. Using her alicorn magic, she would tear off his armor. Later that night, Stone Hoof, the night guard, would hear the shaking of the royal bed.

The wedding would be a grandiose affair held in the Royal Gardens. He old be wearing a tuxedo custom made by Hoity Toity. Celestia would be dazzling in her-

Iron Wing heard the clopping of hoofsteps calmly walking up the hall. Immediately he snapped to attention, and emptied his mind of his previous thoughts. Iron Wing wasn't entirely sure the Princesses couldn't read minds. He saw Princess Luna walk around the corner, and sauntered up to the door and the stallion guarding it.

_Oh no'es! What if Celestia read my mind! What if she was so shocked and disgusted by the actions I imagined her doing that she ordered her sister to come up here and punish me? What if her idea of punishment is to strip my title of Royal Gaurd, and relegate me to the serving staff? What if my job is to clean a rare vase and I drop it? That, along with my thoughts and the 'noodle incident' will be three strikes against me! They'll throw me into the dungeon for sure! Double oh no'es! I'm too pretty to go to the dungeons!_

Luna walked up to the door, but was puzzled to see Tia's Royal Guard had collapsed into a trembling mass near the door. He was drenched with sweat, and occasionally twitching. Tentatively, Luna reached a hoof out to him.

"Umm, are you ok?" She asked.

As soon as her hoof touched the cowering stallion, he shouted, "No! Please! I'm too pretty! Too pretty!"

The stallion curled up even tighter and continued muttering that he was "too pretty."

Luna wanted to help, but then she remembered that this happened every time she saw that guard. She shrugged, and entered her sister's abode. "He must still be afraid of Nightmare Moon." She muttered.

Celestia was hard at work, napping. Luna walked over to her sleeping sister and jabbed her with her royal hoof. Celestia's eyes snapped open, and she kept from her bed. Unfortunately, Celestia had forgotten that she was wrapped in a tangled caccoon of blankets. The end result of her leap was that she fell on her face at the hoof of her baby sister.

Celestia looked up. "What do you want, Lulu? Can't you see I was taking my Royal Nap?"

Luna chuckled. "I just thought you'd want to know about a little, note, I added to your letter to Twilight. But, if you're busy~" Luna tuned around as of she was walking away.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Fine, tell me what horrible joke you've played on Deidara and my faithful student."

Luna giggled and leaned close to her sister. Celestia gasped. "Luna! How evil! How dastardly! How... Beautiful!"

Luna blushed. She always loved it when her sister complimented her. "Well, I learned from the best."

Twilight reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a small note in here telekinetic grip. She unfolded it, and read it out loud.

"My dear sister's faithful student, I saw the letter my sister sent you, and realized she left out one key detail about your new guest. Deidara is an accomplished artist, and it would be wise to ask her about her art. It is always wise, when making new friends. To start out on a common interest. Warmest Regards, Luna.

**Author's note. Alright guys, I didn't intend for the chapter to end up like this, but as it happened. Anyways, if you are not happy with the way the story is progressing, please, please, please leave a comment telling me why. Also, 57 people have favorited this story, but there is only 27 up votes. Why is that? Again, please leave a comment telling me why you're dissatisfied. And for those of you who want more 'splosions, jus wait for the next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 7

Art is a Blast! by lolcatsmanseven

After their small discussion about how to deal with their 'guest,' the six mares turned back to Deidara. Twilight cleared her throat and began, "Sooo... welcome to Ponyville."

Deidara looked around. He saw that this Ponyville was a small town, and most of the houses had thatched roofs. The ponies walked lazily around, as if they were only concerned with meeting and making friends.

"It looks boring, hmm."

Twilight face-hoofed. Unfortunately, she may have hit her head a tad hard, as she had to shake her head several times to marshal her thoughts.

Unperturbed by the unicorn's response, Deidara continued. "All those houses and ponies, and not one thing exciting is happening. I think it needs, an explosion, hmm."

Suddenly, his vision was filled with pink. "HitheremynameisPinkiewhat''sDeidara!" The pink one said this all in one breath.

Deidara had four mouths, yet even he could not speak that fast. Now perturbed, Deidara brought a hoof to his face to stop a growing migraine.

"Shut up, hmm!" He ground out through clenched teeth.

Pinkie hopped even closer to him while giggling. "What's up with the way you talk, hmm? Why do you say hmm so much, hmm? Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm? Hee-hee! It's so funny!" She stretched out the word 'so,' and spun around with her hooves raised to indicate just how funny she thought his verbal tic was.

Deidara swung his hoof at the back of Pinkie's head while she was spinning, but she simply bent forward and ignored it while continuing to giggle. Deidara swung again and again, only to be met with air each time. "Stand still, hmm!"

Pinkie laughed so hard she snorted. "Awwww, Dei-dei said it again!" Suddenly she jumped to her hooves, and without missing a beat she tugged on Deidara's cheeks. "It's just soooo cute!"

Deidara froze. Granted, he wasn't a master of hoof-to-hoof combat, but he was still highly skilled. He found the fact that Pinkie was easily able to penetrate his guard disturbing. He leapt backwards, eager to put some distance between himself and the hyperactive, pink monstrosity.

He landed about twenty yards back, all the way at the other end of the deserted platform. He was standing on his rear hooves in his preferred taijutsu stance. This stance involved holding his front hooves out in front of him, and at this moment, his hoof mouths grinned.

All six of the mares gasped; but aside from the gasp they each responded in a different way. The purple one looked intrigued, but slightly disgusted. The rainbow pegasus just froze staring at the mouths. The white unicorn with a purple, curled mane brought a hoof up to her face and fainted. The yellow pegasus just shrank down. And last, but most certainly not least, our dear Pinkie Pie simply gasped and leapt into the air.

Suddenly, she was right next to Deidara and staring at his hoof mouth. Deidara wheeled back, but Pinkie easily caught his right hoof in her own. She took a deep breath, and began.

",?"

Deidara was startled, and dropped back onto all fours. He took a step back, but his rear left hoof stepped off the platform. Luckily for him, Pinkie's tail was enveloped in a magenta glow, and she was pulled into the air.

The purple unicorn, Twilight, stepped forwards and said, "Sorry about Pinkie, she just gets a little... overexcited at times. She doesn't mean anything by it." Deidara glared at the apologizing unicorn, to which she responded with a nervous smile.

"She's annoying, hmm." Deidara helpfully informed Twilight.

Twilight bristled; she may not always be entertained by Pinkie's antics, but she was still one of her closest friends. "I can't let you just talk about my friend that way."

Deidara nonchalantly waved his hoof in the air. "Whatever. So, anyways, who am I going to stay with, hmm?"

Twilight was a little startled by the sudden change of topic, before bravely pressing on. "You will be staying with Rarity while you are here in Ponyville."

Deidara nodded. "And who might Rarity be?"

Twilight answered while pointing towards the white unicorn. "She is. You'll be staying at Carousel Boutique; Rarity is a fashion designer."

"Well, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be, I was afraid I'd end up with that sniveling little baby over there, hmm."

Twilight bristled yet again, before realizing the blonde pony was simply goading her. She unclenched her teeth, and took a deep breathe. She bravely continued. "Rarity should be waking up soon, and when she does she will show you to her boutique. I would love to stay, but I, uhhh, left the oven on. I'll see you later at the boutique. Bye!" She gave Deidara an unconvincing smile and galloped away. She was followed by the yellow pegasus.

The orange cowpony gave a slight chuckle while shaking her head. "That there pony is thah worst darn liar I've ever heard. Well, Day-uh-diera, I'll see you at the boutique." And she too cantered away.

Deidara grunted as they left, when his vision was again filled with pink.

"I've gotta go too, Dei-Dei, hmm. I've gotta smoke cupcakes for your... Haha, how silly. If I told you then it wouldn't be whatver I'm hinting at, hmm. So bya, hmm!

With Pinkie leaving, that left Deidara alone with the still passed out Rarity, and the rainbow maned pegasus. She glared at Deidara, who looked back at her unamused. "Is there a problem, hmm?"

"Yeah there's a problem! You really think I'm just gonna leave you alone with Rarity?" The walking rainbow said to Deidara as she got in his face.

Deidara got right back up in her face as he replied, "Well, there wasn't a problem, but if you don't back off there will be, hmm" luckily for the two fueding pegasi, Rarity chose that moment to wake up.

"Oh my, what happened?" She looked up at Deidara, and suddenly shuttered, remembering the hoof mouths. "Umm, dearie, I am a fashionista, and would you like it if I made you some boots?"

Deidara looked down at his hooves, before replying, "Actually, yeah, that'd be helpful, hmm. Every time I walk, I get dirt in my mouths."

**Author's note: In case you guys didn't know, I had already written this chapter and all of the previous chapters and had posted them on " " and have simply reposted them here.**


	9. Chapter 8

/-  
/ Story: Art is a Blast!  
/ Chapter: You have GOT to be kidding me / Author: lolcatsmanseven /-

"I'm bored, hmm."

Deidara had followed Rarity back to her absolutely gaudy boutique. She had insisted on immediately making boots for him, an action that Deidara didn't particularly mind. What he did mind was that she locked herself into her 'inspiration room,' leaving him alone in her foyer with nothing to do. He was trying to amuse himself by looking at fashion magazines.

Deidara sighed, before tearing up the magazines, and throwing the pieces into the air. The pieces of paper wheeled wildly around the air currents of the room, and that amused Deidara until the pieces all fell. He sighed again, and looked for something else to amuse himself with.

"I'm still bored." He informed no one in particular.

Suddenly Deidara jumped to his feet and walked over to the door to Rarity's 'inspiration room.' He raised a hoof, and banged on the door at least ten times, and continued banging until Rarity opened the door.

"What?!" She practically screamed at him. Deidara paused, and took a better look at his host. She had measuring tape around her neck, and her mane was extremely messy. He decided to get right to the point.

"I'm bored, hmm." He stated matter-of-factly.

Rarity's left eye twitched slightly, she had been dealing with his requests of entertainment for hours. He would knock on her door every thirty seconds, so she never really got any work done. She was about to tell him off, when Deidara got an idea.

"Hey, are there any river's around here, hmm?" He asked calmly.

Rarity paused, before smirking and saying, "Why yes, there is. Here, let my draw a map for you along with the fastest way there."

She levitated a quill and a piece of parchment over, and hurriedly scribbled on it while chuckling. In a matter of seconds, she handed it to Deidara, and shoved him out the door with her magic.

Deidara looked down at the map. He recognized where he was, and then looked at the route he was supposed to take. He brought a hoof up to his face, and lowered his eyes in a disbelieving expression.

"Seriously? She really expects me to follow this route, hmm?" He wondered aloud.

Indeed, the route Rarity had written down for him would have had him walking along every street in the entirety of Ponyville. She probably hoped he stay away from the boutique all day.

"Doesn't she know that I can just go straight to the river, hmm? What a moron."

* * *

Following the map, Deidara walked briskly through the busy streets of Ponyville. As he walked, he was stared at by many stallions, but whenever he would look at them, they would turn away, blushing.

"What's with all these ponies, hmm?" Deidara wondered aloud. They were all acting really funny, and he had no idea why.

* * *

Sitting in a cafe in the marketplace, Caramel was discussing his day with his friend, Big Macintosh. Caramel was animatedly discussing all the ways the girl embodied perfection, and Big Macintosh was just listening, and adding a few words every now and then.

"And she had an absolutely breathtaking mane that swayed in the breeze! I'll tell ya, Big Mac, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen! I mean, imagine every quality that would make the perfect mare, and she has it! Know what I mean?"

Big mac nodded. "Eeyup." This wasn't the first time Caramel had gone on and on about some mare who had caught his interest. He would have brought that fact up, but he was tired from listening to his sister's complaints about some bitchy gender-confused mare who thought she was a stallion. Their name was Day-uh-diera or something like that.

"Anyways, so she winked at me, and motioned for me to come sit next to her. I did, and introduced myself. Then, she told me how she was nervous about coming to Ponyville, and asked if I would show her around. Being a gentlecolt, I agreed to show the damsel in distress around. And then I asked her name, and it was a beautiful name that angels would be overjoyed to be called. It was, Deidara!" And then he literally swooned, with hearts in his eyes.

Upon hearing the name of Caramel's crush, Big Mac realized he would have to set the record straight. He was about to, when Caramel perked up and whispered, "There she is!"

Big Mac turned around in his seat to see, and understood why Caramel liked Deidara. His eyes widened slightly, before returning to their normal impassive gaze. Big Mac may not have a lot of book learning, but he had a practical sort of wisdom. For example, he could tell how mares carry themselves, and Deidara did not walk like a mare. Big Mac was pretty sure his friend was crushing on a stallion, albeit a feminine one. He decided to not say anything.

"See, what did I tell you? She's perfect! Look at those flanks..." Big Mac started tuning him out. He just pictured how funny it would be when Caramel found out the truth.

After an awkward walk through town, Deidara finally reached the river. He trotted to the bank, and then stepped into the murky water. He disturbed the silt at the bottom; he was looking for exactly the right color that would indicate clay.

Searching with his gaze, he saw a light colored patch of sediment, and began digging. He forgot that he normally used a shovel, but immediately remembered why. His nose wrinkled as his hoof mouths were filled with foul mud. But he continued, as he wasn't going to let a bad taste stop him from getting his clay.

"Yes." He gave a small cry of delight as he pulled a wad of white clay out of the river. Gleefully, he pulled himself out of the water and up the bank. His hoof mouths grinned in delight, and Deidara gave them each some clay to chew. As soon as he kneaded some chakra into the clay, he would be perfect.

He sat back, and waited for his hoof mouthes to be finished with their gleeful chewing, when he noticed a small turtle next to him on the river bank.

"What's this, hmm?" He wondered aloud. He noticed it had an unnatural coloring to it. "This reminds me of Master Sasori's Hiruko."

Deidara walked over to get a closer look at it, and lowered his face for the same reason. He was unprepared for a stream of water to shoot out of its mouth and into his face.

For a second, he froze; shocked that someone would have the audacity to do that to him. Quickly, his face grew a deep red, and he started growling. He was soaked, and his hair was ruined! Someone was going to pay.

"Whoever did that is DEAD, hmm! Do you hear me? DEAD!" He roared to the heavens. Looking across the river, he saw Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laughing historically. Deidara faced them and screamed, "I'm going to kill you!"

Rainbow Dash was no coward, but she didn't want to stick around; when ponies got that angry, sometimes the would explode. She turned skyward, and flew off extremely quickly. Pinkie Pie didn't even look up, she was so preoccupied with her laughter.

Deidara growled, and his right hoof mouth spit out a small clay bird. Deidara concentrated for a moment, and with a puff of smoke, the bird grew many times larger. Deidara jumped on top of the bird, and flew into the air on its back.

"Well, let's see how you'd like to become art, hmm?" He taunted down at Pinkie. His left hoof mouth spit out another small bird, which was then thrown at the still-laughing Pinkie. The bird flew quickly at her, and Deidara shouted, "KATSU!"

The ground was rocked by a large explosion, and Deidara grinned triumphantly. However, when the smoke cleared, he didn't see any trace of Pinkie.

"What? How?" He questioned.

Suddenly he saw Pinkie's head poke out from behind a rock the size of a guinea pig. Deidara didn't question. He just kept throwing more and more explosives at Pinkie, who would somehow dodge each and every one; all while laughing hysterically.

"Why. Won't. You. DIE, HMM!" Deidara shouted through gritted teeth.

Pinkie Pie giggled, and jumped over yet another clay bird. "Because silly, hmm. If I died, hmm, then who'd throw surprise parties for all the new ponies?" Suddenly she gasped. "Wait, I haven't thrown you a-" She brought a hoof across her mouth, literally zipping it shut. "Bye-Bye Dei-dei, hmm!" And she ran away, the only sign of her former presence a quickly vanishing cloud of dust.

Deidara sweat-dropped. These ponies were weird.

* * *

**Author's Note: Since this chapter took so long, here's a sneak peak of the next one.**

Deidara opened his eyes, and turned to Rarity. "Ahhhh. You know, I haven't been this relaxed in a long time, hmm. I needed this time to recharge."

Rarity replied, "Oh I know, darling. The spa brings out the best in all of us." The two masseuses glanced at each other and smiled. If their treatments really inspired that kind of feelings, then they must be doing something right.

After their massages were complete, the pair rolled onto their sides for their hooficures.


	10. Chapter 9

/-  
/ Story: Art is a Blast!  
/ Chapter: Relaxation, at last / Author: lolcatsmanseven /-

Author's note: This chapter was really hard to write, and I'm not quite sure how it turned out.

Deidara stalked through the bustling streets of Ponyville. He was soaking wet, and was wearing a snarl that sent even the toughest of ponies scurrying away. Even Caramel knew better than to approach him.

He finally made it to Carousel Boutique, and roughly shoved open the door. Inside, he found Rarity, who had just finished making his new boots. She noticed him come in, and looked up from the romance novel she was reading. She saw his current state, and raised an eyebrow.

"Dear, why are you so... wet?" She asked in a concerned manner.

Deidara's eyes snapped to her, and he let out a small growl. "Why, hmm? Why am I so wet, hmm? I'll tell you why. Two retarded idiots from Dumbfukistan thought it would be a good idea to spray water all over me, hmm? Next time I see Pinkie or Rainbow Dash, they're gonna become art, hmm."

Rarity paused for a moment. She could commiserate with him about having a ruined mane, but the way he had said he'd turn them into art sounded unbalanced.

She decided to tactfully play the peacemaker. She stood up, and said, "I simply cannot believe those two, ruining such a beautiful mane."

Deidara calmed down slightly; he had always been vulnerable to compliments.

"I'll tell you what, if you can find it in your heart to forgive those two brutes, I'll take you to the spa."

Deidara brought a hoof up to his chin, and tapped it several times thoughtfully. He hadn't been looking his best since arriving in Equestria, and a trip to the spa was always one of his favorite activities. It was just that as a terrorist bomber, it had been rare that he'd had the time to go sneak off into a village unaware of his true nature.

He finally decided to accept the olive branch, with a small catch. "Fine, but only if you pay for the works, hmm." And without waiting for her agreement, Deidara turned and walked out of the boutique.

Rarity levitated a small coin purse into her saddlebag, when she noticed he had forgotten something.

"Wait! Your boots!"

Deidara was very happy. He was laying on his stomach on a padded table, while a masseuse gently rubbed all of his stress out of his back. He was smiling, and even gave small sighs of enjoyment.

Rarity was on the table next to his, but she wasn't enjoying the massage as much as her companion. She was wearing a puzzled expression, and staring intently at the blonde pony. Many questions were racing through her mind, such as: Who was this pony? Why does she have mouths on her hooves? Why does she say she's a stallion? Why does she have mouths on her hooves?

She gave a small shudder as she thought of those revolting mouths. Giving Deidara boots had been partly out of generosity, but mainly so she wouldn't have to see those things ever again. She looked at Deidara's hooves, and was glad to see the bottoms of them were covered in the complimentary spa slippers.

Deidara opened his eyes, and turned to Rarity. "Ahhhh. You know, I haven't been this relaxed in a long time, hmm. I needed this time to recharge."

Rarity replied, "Oh I know, darling. The spa brings out the best in all of us." The two masseuses glanced at each other and smiled. If their treatments really inspired that kind of feelings, then they must be doing something right.

Rarity's massage was finished, but Deidara was a pegasus, and that made his longer. One of the spa ponies was working the kinks out of all of the joint at the base of the wing; she had taken the tip in her mouth and was moving the whole wing in small circles. It was a very strange sensation for Deidara, as he never used to have wings, and still didn't even know how to move them on his own.

After their respective massages were complete, the pair rolled onto their sides for their hooficures. Deidara looked down, and saw one of the Spa Ponies was filing his hooves. The pony with light blue hair hard at work on his left rear hoof, while her twin was filing one of Rarity's.

Suddenly Deidara thought of something he had forgotten. While most aspects of pony culture seemed very similar to the one from the Elemental Nations, there was one thing off. Deidara hadn't seen anypony wearing any sort of colored hoofpolish. Back when Deidara was a member of the Akatsuki, he never left a base without a coat of his favorite teal nail polish, so he was a little bit put-off that his appearance would now be plainer.

The two spa ponies finished filing their respective clients hooves, and began applying a clear coat of polish. Deidara sighed, but decided that having his whole hoof a different color than its natural blonde would be weird. As he thought, the spa ponies had finished up their tasks, and left the room to gather the necessary materials for their facials. Their polish still wet, Deidara and Rarity could only sit there and wait for their hooves to dry.

"So..." Rarity began. "I received a letter from The Princess telling me that you're an artist. What kind of art did you do?"

"Well..." Deidara began, a smirk on his face.

Twilight Sparkle was not having a good day. First Princess Celestia had asked her to watch over Deidara, and as if that wasn't enough on its, she had run out of quills with which to make lists. She was currently walking through the market, towards her most common destination: Quills and Sofas.

As she carefully threaded her way between the many ponies haggling for a better price at one of the numerous stalls filling the street, she saw her friend Rarity exit the spa. Smiling, Twilight trotted over to her friend; it was always nice to see a friendly face when doing an unwelcome chore.

But as she got closer to her, she saw that Deidara was with her, and they were having an animated discussion. Neither of the two noticed her, so Twilight strained her ears to hear what they were saying.

"I couldn't agree more with you, hmm. Finally, someone else who understands true art!" That was Deidara speaking.

"Oh I know, darling. You wouldn't believe how often I find myself telling somepony that to wear my art repeatedly cheapens it. And they just think I want them to get more clothes for the money. I do it so they can be beauty." Rarity replied. She looked around the market, and happened to see Twilight. "I'm sorry, Dei, but one moment please. Twilight! Oh, Twilight!" She called as she waved a hoof.

Twilight pretended like she hadn't been listening, and walked over to the white unicorn and yellow pegasus with a forced smile. "Hello girls." She greeted.

Deidara, who had been looking around the marketplace for a fertilizer salespony, quickly turned his head to the purple unicorn. "What did you say, hmm?" He asked, his expression darkening.

Rarity let out a nervous giggle, and promptly pulled Twilight to the side for a small discussion. "Darling, Dei and I have gotten to know eachother fairly well over our trip to the spa, and you should know that..."

As Rarity warned her tactless friend of the ways not to address the volatile artist, Deidara again turned to scanning the crowd. However, his attention was again interrupted by a sharp hoof to the chest. Looking down, he saw three small fillies who obviously wanted his attention.

"Yes?" He asked.

The three fillies looked at eachother as if trying to decide which one of them would speak for the group. Finally, a yellow earthpony with a red mane and wearing a large red bow said, "Umm, excuse us, but we couldn't help but notice that you don't have a cutie mark yet."

Deidara had no idea what they were talking about, and for a moment he wondered why Celestia hadn't given him some sort of culture class. Regardless, he shrugged, and asked, "What's a cutie mark, hmm?"

The fillies gasped. They all began speaking at once.

"It's the mark on your flank that symbolizes your special talent!" An orange pegasus shouted.

"It's what makes ya'll who ya'll are!" Chimed in the earth pony.

"It's like a picture on your side, and you get it when you know who you are!" Added the unicorn a split second after the others.

Deidara slowly nodded his head. "So your saying it's a mark on my flank that appears when I know what my special talent is?" He asked.

The three nodded, before the pegasus added, "Yeah, by the way, I'm Scootaloo."

"I'm SweetieBell introduced the white unicorn.

"Ah'm Applebloom." Said the earth pony.

"And we are the..." All three fillies took a large breath. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! YAY!"

Deidara's eyes widened, and he looked around the marketplace to see if anypony else was shocked by the volume. However, nopony reacted any more than briefly looking at the fillies before resuming their business. Apperently they were used to their lack of volume control.

The earth pony cleared her throat. "Anyways, would ya'll like to help us find our cutie marks? We'll give you a cape and everything."

Deidara tapped his hoof with his chin. Normally he didn't like helping children. They were usually annoying and loud, but he was bored today, and they seemed pretty impressionable. Suddenly, he gained an idea.

"Well, girls, I have a great idea on how to earn your cutie marks, hmm."

Sugar Cube Corner was full of customers, it was, after all, their lunch rush.

Mrs. Cake was taking orders, and she shouted back to Pinkie Pie in the kitchen, "Start a fresh batch of cupcakes, okay dear?" She didn't hear a response, so she took a quick peak into the kitchen. She saw her assistant standing still in the center of the room, except for a quick twitching of her rump.

"Umm, dearie, are you okay?" Mrs. Cake asked.

Pinkie Pie looked up at her employer. She was wearing an uncharacteristically serious expression. "My rumps been twitching, and that means there's gonna be lots of property damage! And it's been twitching for, like five whole minutes by now! That means its gonna be a doozy!"

At the mention of the word doozy, Mrs Cakes eyes dilated. Over the years, she had come to trust her assistants oddly specific instincts. She rushed out to the front to warn her customers, when she was bowled over by a sonic blast. It was the sound of three fillys.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ARSONISTS! YAY!" 


	11. Chapter 10

/-  
/ Story: Art is a Blast!  
/ Chapter: Omake-Pain / Author: lolcatsmanseven /-

Author's Note: This is not a real chapter, nor particularly interesting. This is just a little something I wrote to help get over my writers block. It is an "Omake," which means extra content. Consider it not part of the canon to my story. If you don't like the concept, or lots of dialogue, feel free to skip this chapter. You won't miss anything.

Celestia was having a bad day. She had felt an extremely powerful being entering Equestria several minutes ago, and had immediately gone to find her sister, Luna. As soon as she found her, the two of them would go confront the interloper.

It was a momentous occasion to feel a being this strong, as even Deidara, while very powerful when compared to a normal pony, was hardly noticeable.

Rounding a stone corner, Celestia at last came to the door leading to her sister's room. She burst through the door, startling a sleeping Luna.

"Sister! Wake up!" Celestia shouted as she used her magic to yank the comforter off of her sister's bed.

Luna's eyes blinked several times, and she rose unsteadily to her haunches. "Tia? Wha-what is this about?"

Luna's eyes widened as her sister explained the situation. Nopony this powerful had arrived in their world since the advent of Discord. Whomever this was, they shouldn't be taken lightly.

The two alicorns stepped out onto Luna's balcony, and quickly spread their wings. Together, they took to the air. They would ascertain the intruder's motives, perhaps a fight wouldn't be necessary.

The pair were flying over the Everfree Forrest, because apparently everything happens there. They suddenly halted in mid-air. Stretched in front of them was a massive crater where woods used to be.

The alicorns set their resolve, and looked down into the center of the clearing. They saw a creature similar to Deidara sitting in an odd position.

As they flew closer, they began to make out more details. He had long, white hair that seemed to hang about his face. He was emaciated, and he had strange black rods sticking out of his body in several spots. Once they got within 100 yards of the creature, his most striking features became apparent. He stared at the royal sisters with strange, beautiful eyes.

Celestia and Luna landed about ten yards away from him, and from that distance they could see even more details. He was very thin, and sickly looking. He was sitting, and his legs looked twisted, as if they had sustained a dramatic injury some time in the past.

Celestia, whom had more experience than her baby sister in terms of diplomacy, decided to open the conversation. "Hello, stranger. I am Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, and co-ruler of Equestria."

Luna added, "And I am Princess Luna, Goddess of the Moon, and co-ruler of Equestria."

The creature continued to stare at them after their introductions. Finally, it spoke. "I am Pain, a God of Peace."

Celestia nodded. At least it seemed willing to talk, which was more than could be said of the last visitor of it's calibre. "And may I inquire as to what your purpose is in Equestria?"

Again there was silence, before Pain answered, "I don't have a purpose here. Although, I must ask, why do you consider yourself to be gods?"

Celestia smirked. "Well..." She began.

Both her and Luna released a third of their strength. The air became saturated with their magic, and the world seemed to get distorted. Gravity seemed to increase, and few remaining trees only barely stayed upright.

As they expected based on the strength they had sensed in him, Pain didn't respond.

Celestia asked, "I could also ask, why do you consider yourself to be a god?"

Pain calmly answered, "When one experiences pain, when one becomes pain, they ascend to a higher order of being. I am one such ascended being."

Celestia nodded. She had lost many ponies through her long life, and could see that this 'Pain' had also lost many of those close to him. She then asked Pain what he planned to do now that he was in their world. Celestia put extra emphasis on the word "our" so that he knew in no uncertain terms whose world it was.

"I will bring peace to this land, as I tried to do to my own."

Celestia and Luna glanced at each other, before turning back to Pain. Luna spoke, for only the second time to him. "There already is peace in our land. Everypony lives together in harmony; everypony loves eachother."

Pain merely closed his eyes, before responding. "Love breeds sacrifice… Which breeds hatred… Then you can know pain. Love leads to pain, so there cannot be a world truly at peace.

Celestia responded, "If everypony loves one another, then of course there can be peace. Love is intrinsically good, and in and of itself brings about peace. I don't understand how you could believe otherwise."

Pain opened his piercing eyes, and replied, "If you don't share someone's pain, you can never understand them. But just because you understand them doesn't mean you can come to an agreement. That's the truth."

Celestia lowered her eyes. She genuinely felt sorry for Pain; she couldn't imagine what must have happened for him to have such a negative outlook on life.

Omake may be continued in later chapters when I have more writer's block. 


	12. Chapter 11

/-  
/ Story: Art is a Blast!  
/ Chapter: Halloween Special / Author: lolcatsmanseven /-

Author's Note: This is a Halloween Special, and as such it is not considered canon to Art is a Blast! I hope you enjoy it, because I literally feel like I'm a worse person for having written it. It's not good, but it was the only idea I had for a halloween special.

The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony in Ponyville was having a glorious day. The town square was bustling and crowded and busy ponies filled the streets. All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere specific to be. All except for Deidara; the town's resident artist/arsonist. He tore freely through the air on the back of a large clay sparrow, speeding one way and the next, buzzing the tree tops and racing the wind. The white avian swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children, then climbed several hundred feet and dove, streaking downward as fast as it could. Seconds before hitting the ground, it's wings flew open and it pulled up back into the clear blue. The rushing wind exhilarated the blonde pegasus.

Suddenly, Deidara remembered that he had somewhere to be; he was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. He had gotten so caught up in showing off his art that he'd nearly forgotten that Pinkie had asked to meet him at Sugercube Corner at three. Pinkie hadn't said why or what they'd be doing, but Deidara knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything. He didn't really want to go, though. He was so engaged driving his creative masterpieces to ever greater heights that he thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue experimenting. But, Deidara's analytical side got the better of him. He knew that it would hurt Pinkie's feelings; but more importantly, it might irk the princess, upon whose whim Deidara depended. Although, he was slightly disquieted by the way Pinkie had described her event as something special just for the two of them. Deidara considered his options, and thought "Why not?" What did he have to lose besides time? Besides, it might turn out to be that the pink mare simply required an artist's perspective on some artistic pursuit.

When Deidara walked into the store, he was immediately greeted by his host, who was bouncing in excitement. "Yay, you're here! I've been waiting aaall day," excitedly expostulated the extremely exhilarated equine.

"It appears I'm a little late, hmm. I was improving my art, which obviously comes before you." Deidara informed.

Pinkie giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, "Oh that's ok, you're here now. What's a few more minutes? I've been sooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I've been so happy."

Deidara narrowed his eyebrows slightly. He recognized that Pinkie Pie consistently maintained a friendly, outgoing way of life, but her overabundant enthusiasm was beginning to grate on him. Deidara refrained from leaving, however. If Pinkie was this worked up, there was still a chance that whatever she had planned could catch his fleeting interest.

"So, you ready to get started, Dei-Dei? I've got everything all read," the pink pony informed.

Deidara blew a strand of hair out of his right eye, he only liked having it cover his left. "Whatever, hmm. Just tell me what you have planned already, and it better involve art or exp-"

"MAKING CUPCAKES!" Pinkie happily interjected.

"Baking?" Deidara was disappointed, and his displeased expression morphed into outrage. "Goddammit, hmm! What makes you think an artist such as myself would ever deign to participate in such an activity?"

"Well Dei-Dei, you're always going on about how art is beauty being found in the heat of a single moment, so I figured you might be appreciative of something that can only be enjoyed while in the process of experiencing it. Plus, they taste totally delicious." Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it for a second, and visibly calmed down. "Whatever. I guess I can spend a little time creating confections. What exactly do you need me to do, hmm?"

"That's the spirit. Here you go." Pinkie handed Deidara a cupcake.

Deidara was puzzled. "I thought I was helping you bake you needed help baking, hmm?"

"You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

"So, is this like taste testing or something?"

"Sorta," Pinkie said.

Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. His eyes widened, and he grinned. He recognized the taste as bakudan flavored, his favorite.

"Ok, now what?" Deidara asked after deciding he would spend more time with Pinkie if she continued making cupcakes.

"Now," Pinkie informed her, "You take a nap."

Puzzled, Dash opened his mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over him, the world spun, and seconds later he collapsed to the floor.

When Deidara regained consciousness, he found himself in a dark room. He tried to shake his head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place. He struggled to move, but braces around his chest and limbs glued him to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread his legs wide apart. Deidara's wings were the only part of him not tied down, and they fluttered erratically while he took in his surroundings. Suddenly, Pinkie jumped into his line of sight.

"Goodie, you're awake. Now we can get started," Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

"Pinkie, you'd better have an explanation, hmm! My patience container is about to explode, hmm! So tell me, why am I tied down when you asked for my help?!" Deidara exploded.

"You are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more."

"Special ingredient?" Deidara was now panting slightly from his shouting and beginning to realize his purpose in the dungeon. "What special ingredient, hmm!?"

Pinkie giggled and responded "You, silly!"

Dash's eyes narrowed, and his face contorted in rage. "I hope you're ready to become art when I-"

His rant was cut off when he noticed something missing from his hoofmouthes; namely the wads of clay he always kept there in case of an emergency.

"Oh, silly Dei-Dei! Of course I took out your mean explodey clay! But lemme' tell ya, boy was I surprised when I saw those babies! Pretty freaky, huh? And don't even get me started on the mouth on your chest. But, I did find out you really are a stallion like you kept insisting. Who knew, huh?" Before Deidara could respond, Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.

Deidara fully realized that he had found himself inside the dungeon of a crazed, sadistic murderer, and couldn't help but recall a certain acquaintance of his within the Akatsuki. "You can't do this Pinkie, hmm! I won't let you!"

"Well, I don't really see how you have a choice in the matter. You're tied up, and you have no clay. I'm so happy that I've got you here, Dei-Dei. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me." Pinkie was skipping again. And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.

"Oh wow." Dash took in horror of the image presented to him. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were attached to the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium were tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past ponies. Deidara was slightly agaep at the center piece of the table nearest to him. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were wearing party hats made from their own skin. Deidara's eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several tanned pony hides, the words "Life is a party" were scrawled on it in blood red.

As Deidara took in the sights, Pinkie brought out a long, thin knife with a blade about an inch wide. With one swift motion, she brought it down at the joint in Deidara's right foreleg. As he gritted his teeth from the sudden pain, she quickly procured another knife, and did much the same to his left.

Deidara suddenly grinned, and laughed. "You think this is bad, hmm? Well, I have news for you, I don't just carry clay in my hoofmouthes." At this statement, his chest mouth started grinning. "I always have clay in all of my orifices."

Pinkie took a step back, clutching a cleaver, as black, vein-like markings began appearing all over Deidara's body. His true form started fading away, while the black lines began condensing. For the first time ever, Pinkie wasn't smiling as she made cupcakes.

Deidara started laughing. "Tremble! Be afraid! Recoil in despair! Cower in awe!" At this, all that remained of him was a small black sphere, while Pinkie began nervously shaking.

"And cry your heart out, because my art…" Small, white cracks began appearing on the sphere, and Pinkie's eyes dilated.

"Is an EXPLOSION!"

The cracks broke, and the black sphere released all it's pent up energy in the form of a massive explosion that would bequeath unto Equestria a scar that would last through eternity. 


	13. Chapter 12

/-  
/ Story: Art is a Blast!  
/ Chapter: Really?  
/ Author: lolcatsmanseven /-

"Really? Just, really?" was all Twilight was able to say as she slowly shook her head. She was looking at the scattered wood and shattered glass that had at one time held the shape of a small school. It was currently a smoking crater.

The recipient of her lecture was a certain blonde pegasus and three small fillies. While the fillies shuffled uncofortably, the pegasus smirked arrogantly, and replied, "Well, these little ponies just told me about how their art class got cancelled, hmm. And, being a charitable person, I couldn't let such an affront to artistic expression be ignored, so I taught them how to make real art."

A small white unicorn filly next to Deidara interjected as she raised her hoof as if she was answering a question during class. "But we didn't say tha-"

Her interruption was interrupted by Deidara, who prevented her from talking by way of whacking her small head.

"And then, I wanted to make sure they had really learned, so I gave them a demonstration, hmm." With that he swept his hoof around them, pointing to what used to be Ponyville Elementary School.

Twilight's eyes widened, and her mouth opened and closed several times. "You thought that teaching three young, impressionable fillies with notoriously poor judgement how to make fertilizer bombs was a good idea?"

She ignored an indignant "hey" from Scootaloo as she continued. "And then, you 'demonstrate' it by blowing up their school, the only school in Ponyville?"

Deidara nodded.

Twilight twitched her head slightly to the left, before shooting Deidara an extremely angry glare. "Well, don't think you're going to get off easy! You're going to have to rebuild the school with your bare hooves!"

"Honestly Twilight, that's a horrible idea!"

Twilight and Deidara were currently sitting across from Mayor Mare in her office overlooking Ponyville. Twilight had just finished explaining what had happened to Ponyville Elementary School, and her suggested punishment for Deidara.

"Honestly, can you imagine what kind of destruction Deidara could cause while building a school? And honestly, look at that pony, do you honestly believe that Deidara has done any kind of hard work in her life?"

Twilight looked over at the blonde pegasus, who was filing one of his hooves with his wing while humming to himself. He wasn't paying attention to them at all. She tapped her chin several times as she ran her eyes over him, before replying, "Now that you mention it, she doesn't look like the type for manual labor. But, she has to pay for a new school somehow."

Mayor Mare leaned back in her chair and looked out her window before replying, "Of course she has to pay for a new school." She looked over at Deidara, before tapping her hoof on her desk several times in thought. "Now, obviously nopony would pay her to make things blow up, and that seems to be her only skill. What else would-I've got it!"

With a raised eyebrow, Twilight leaned forward and asked, "You've got what? Well, obviously I know you mean that you have an answer as to how Deidara could sponsor the building of a new school, I was just inquiring as to what your solution might be?"

Mayor Mare smirked deviously as she explained her solution. "Well, I was thinking, the only thing Deidara has going for her is her appearance, right? So, what if we hold a charity auction, where ponies would bid on getting a date with her? It's the perfect plan! Ooh, and you can ask Rarity to help you set it up. We'll hold it later today, when everypony still remembers the school."

Twilight tilted her head to the side, confused. "I don't know, Mayor. I mean, yes, I can appreciate Deidara might be one of the prettiest mare's I know, but do you really think that we'll get enough money to rebuild the school this way? I know I wouldn't pay for a date with Deidara."

Both mare's glanced over at the pegasus in question, who still wasn't paying attention as he absentmindedly played with clay. They were both amazed at his lack of awareness despite his name being said multiple times, and the m any glances thrown his way.

"Well, you're not the target market, Twilight. Besides, if we don't make enough money off of one stallion, we can always accept more dates."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense." Twilight admitted. "But what if Deidara refuses to go on a date with the winner?"

The Mayor laughed. "Her? A mare like that would probably take it as a compliment."

Deidara had, in fact, taken the idea as a compliment. When informed that ponies would be bidding on being able to take him on a date, he had been pleased. He had then promptly shut himself in Rarity's bathroom, but not before informing Twilight that he was not to be disturbed.

Twilight had just sighed, before leaving with Rarity to handle the logistics of setting up a charity auction. At the Mayor's insistence, the auction would take place just two hours later, so it would be difficult to set up in time. She had had to round up several of her friends, namely Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash to serve as spotters for the numerous bids they would-hopefully-recieve.

Twilight stepped onto the balcony of the town hall, from whence she would be the announcer. She was levitating a paper, which she sat down on the podium in front of her. Looking around, she was glad to see that the area around the town hall was packed with stallions eager to win a date with Deidara.

She cleared her throat, before announcing in a magic enhanced voice, "Welcome to the charity auction. As you all know, whoever wins this auction will have win a date with the beautiful pegasus Deidara! You will get to choose everything, from the date, to the venue, to even what she is wearing! And I don't think any of you need reminding of her appearance!"

At this the crowd started stamping their feet.

Suddenly Twilight's expression grew serious. "But, just remember why we are doing this. This auction isn't just about winning a date with the mare of your dreams, it's about helping the children. Please, think about the children as you bid money today."

Down in the crowd, Caramel leaned over to his friend Big Macintosh so he could be heard over the din of the crowd. "Just you wait, Big Mac! Today I'm gonna win a date with the mare of my dreams! And you said I'd never ever get a real date! Well, get ready to eat your few words!"

Big Macintosh just gave his friend a small smile, before looking up to the balcony. He was just waiting for the auction to begin.

Finally, the appointed hour for the start of the auction had arrived had arrived. Deidara swept himself onto stage, and more than a few of the ponies in the crowd's mouths dropped. To put it simply, he looked stunning.

His hair had been freshly washed and conditioned, and he had tied it up in a high ponytail, with bangs over his left eye. He had freshly applied eyeliner, and it made his beautiful cobalt eyes pop. His hooves shone from a fresh hooficure, and he carried himself with the poise of a supermodel.

Deidara opened his right eye to take in the crowd of his fans, but was a little surprised to see that the vast majority of the bidders were stallions. He raised his right hoof, and leaned back, but to the crowd, it looked like he was being flirty.

Immediately hooves were being raised as their owners shouted out their bids.

"250 bits!" Began a gangly yellow earth pony with a cutie mark of 3 pieces of cake.

"260! bits" Shouted a green unicorn wearing a black hoodie, whom nopony had ever seen before.

"300!" Interjected a middle-aged brown earth-pony.

"500!" Screamed a blue earth pony with three cupcakes for a cutiemark.

Suddenly Caramel reared onto his hind hooves and shouted with all the force he could muster "1000 bits!"

"1200!" Exclaimed a grey pegasus.

"1500!" Shouted a small yellow pegasus.

Again, caramel raised his hoof and announced, "3000 bits!"

Everyone looked in shock at the pony who had so casually doubled the bid. Twilight looked around the crowd to see if anypony would raise him, and started counting down.

"A date with Deidara will be sold to the earth pony with the pompadour for 3000 bits! Going once! Going twi-"

"4000 bits!"

Caramel lost his look of smug satisfaction, and he quickly looked around to see who had dared to challenge him. Twilight too was searching for the new bidder, when she saw, much to her surprise, it was Fluttershy.

Seeing his new opponent, Caramel set his teeth, before bellowing, "5000 bits!"

Fluttershy hovered in the air, as she shrieked, "6000 bits!"

Instantly, the two competitors locked eyes; both knew they were in for a long fight.

Hello! It is I, lolcatsmanseven. I feel super bad about not updating, so I promise I will tomorrow. I've already got this entire story arc planned out, it's just a matter of typing. Anyways, what helped me get over my writer's block was pinterest. If any of you are interested in seeing the board I made for this story, here it is: Link 


	14. Chapter 13

/-  
/ Story: Art is a Blast!  
/ Chapter: The winner is_?  
/ Author: lolcatsmanseven /-

"7000 bits!" Caramel bellowed.

"8000!" Fluttershy shrieked.

"9000 bits!" Caramel roared in anger. Big Macintosh's eyes widened slightly, and he leaned over to his long time friend.

"Now, Caramel, I don't think you have very much more money? Ya might want ta stop bidding."

Without taking his eyes off of Deidara, Caramel responded through clenched teeth, "Don't you see how close I am? I am this," he gestured with his hooves, "close to going on a date with the mare of my dreams! I can't-I won't-stop now!"

Caramel let out a small whine as Fluttershy raised him, yet again, to 10000 bits. He knew he didn't have enough money to raise it to 11000. He desperately looked over at Big Macintosh, eyes pleading for a loan, to which the large red stallion merely shook his head.

Several yards away, Fluttershy was nervously poking her hooves together. She knew that if Caramel raised her, she wouldn't be able to meet him. Her only hope was if Caramel stopped bidding at that exact moment. Anxiously, she looked over at her rival.

Up on the balcony, next to Twilight Sparkle, Mayor Mare had money symbols in place of her eyes. She greedily rubbed her hooves together as giggled greedily. Grinning, she shoved Twilight away from the podium and into the posing Deidara before she could begin her count down.

The Mayor cleared her throat, adjusted her glasses, and began, "Well, honestly, as this is a charity auction, and, honestly, the children are the most important thing, I've decided that the top two bidders can each purchase a separate date with Deidara for 10000 bits."

As Caramel and Fluttershy gave relieved cheers while Deidara visually appraised the two ponies he would have to entertain, Twilight motioned for the Mayor to lean over to her with her hoof, and the Mayor complied. Unfortunately, she did not lean far enough away from the microphone which was able to pick up her words.

"Huh? What do you mean that I don't seem any more honest just by saying 'honestly?' That's the entire point of that word. Honestly, how else do you think I got elected, I-" Abruptly, she noticed she was speaking to the entire crowd, and blushed as she attempted to regain her lost dignity.

"Anyways, both Caramel and Fluttershy will have the privilege of taking Deidara on a date. As I stated before, the two will choose the venue, and even get to design a custom outfit for Deidara with the help of our resident fashionista, Rarity."

At the mention of the terms, Deidara growled out, "Hey! No one told me that they got to play dress up with me, hmm!"

As the blonde bomber's blood boiled, Rarity stepped onto the balcony, and gave a nod to the two winners. She stepped up to the microphone, and said, "Well darlings, I am so glad that there is to be two winners, so I can design two beautiful outfits instead of just one! Fluttershy, your date will be first, so please come with me to Carousel Boutique immediately. Caramel, your date will take place tomorrow, so I would also like you to accompany me to my boutique right now."

Rarity took a step back from the microphone while maintaining her professional, regal demeanor, before turning to Twilight and Deidara, and excitedly squealing, "Ooooh! I'm so excited! This is going to be so wonderful! Ohhh, you're going to have the most beautiful outfit you've ever seen! Ta-ta~"

The white fashionista turned, and walked off of the balcony and into the town hall. She was followed by the Mayor, who was going to collect the money from the winners.

Twilight turned, and looked over at Deidara. He was angrily stalking back and forth, while sporadically casting glares into the dispersing crowd below. Twilight was just barely able to catch his angry muttering. "Oh, so they think they can try to humiliate me, hmm? Well, I'll show them, hmm! I think I'll demonstrate to them my art!"

Smiling uneasily, Twilight cleared her throat to get the pegasus' attention. "Uhh, Deidara, are you feeling okay?"

She didn't feel any better when he responded, "Oh, me, hmm? I'm fine, in fact, I'm greatly looking forward to my dates."

Inside Carousel Boutique, Rarity was going over dress designs with Fluttershy.

"Now, as you can see here darling, this dress will perfectly match the one I made you for your last birthday. As I was saying to Twilight earlier, the two of you could pass for twins but for your mane color. I mean, really, look at you two."

Rarity was unaware that Deidara was standing in the doorway behind them, and when he heard her statement he grinned evilly. He had just gotten a great idea.

Bonus!

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am worried about my new friend whom you sent to live with Rarity, Deidara. In one of my previous friendship reports, I wrote about how friends shouldn't keep secrets from each other, so one I was presented with the opportunity of borrowing Deidara's diary, I took it. I was shocked by what I found.

I'm not quite sure how to say this, so I'll say it like this: I believe Deidara may be suicidal. Many of the entries in his diary detail his plans for his death. Though it makes me uncomfortable, I will try to convey the sentiments he expressed. It is as if he believes that the most important thing for a person is how they die; and he even goes so far as to describe the situations he writes about as art. He describes in great detail how he will "become a work of true art," and will "bequeath a scar unto the earth that will be remembered forever."

I am starting to worry that he may actually blow himself up as he has written. Please Princess, I need your advice on how to handle the situation, as I am afraid that if I confront him about it, he may do something hasty. That said, he does not act in a traditionally depressed manner, which troubles me. Please respond as soon as you are able to.

You're Faithful Student,  
Twilight Sparkle 


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's note. READ READ READ READ THIS! It is super important. Yes, it might be long, but it is absolutely 100% important to your understanding of Art is a Blast! that you read this.**

**Alright, due to me being stupid and writing stupid things, I have had to retcon the Art is a Blast! timeline/ continuity extensively.I have made a handy list of the changes here, so you don't have to go back and re-read every chapter:**

**1. Deidara was no longer banished to the moon in the third chapter by Celestia after eating her cake.**

**2. Deidara was not mistaken for Princess Luna the first time he visited Pony Joes.**

**3. Deidara is no longer an alicorn.**

**4. Deidara is no longer the seventh element of harmony, the element of explosions.**

**5. Big Macintosh no longer continuously stalks Deidara.**

**6. Deidara is now considered to be a stallion, until further notice.**

**7. Deidara no longer works at the spa with Lotus and Aloe.**

**8. The story is no longer a crossover with Bleach as well as Naruto.**

**9. Deidara did not sleep with Caramel.**

**10. Deidara has not killed Spike by way of artful explosion.**

**11. Deidara has not adopted Scootaloo.**

**12. Deidara did not lose his arm in his fight with Gaara.**

**13. Deidara's cutie mark is no longer a heart, nor is his special talent love.**

**14. Pinkie Pie did not make Rainbow Dash into a cupcake.**

**15. Discord did not carry King Sombra's son, this was changed to a girl.**

**16. Granny Smith is no longer Deidara's love interest.**

**17. The MMMM was no longer thrown at Gilda.**

**18. Fluttershy did not do a striptease to the Cake twins.**

**19. Twilight Sparkle did not borrow money from the mob, nor was she murdered for not paying.**

**20. Rarity no longer likes to bet on hoofball games, nor has Carousel Boutique been reposesed.**

**21. Everyone now remembers Lyra.**

**22. Lauren Faust will no longer be a mane character.**

**23. Mayor Mare is no longer the masked vigilante, the Pink Crusader.**

**24. Applejack did not open a bar in her barn.**

**25. Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom did not open a portal to transformers universe, nor did she kill Starscream. **

**26. Rainbow Dash was never raised by a human.**

**26. Scootaloo is not a post apocalyptic survivor.**

**27. Egoraptor and Jontron no longer narrate the story.**

**28. This joke has gotten old.**

**Alright, well that pretty much sums up all of the changes that I made to the continuity of Art is a Blast! I hope you can enjoy the chapter.**

Deidara was getting ready for his date. He had just finished applying his eye-liner, and was waiting for Rarity to bring him his dress. Normally he would never deign to wear such a thing, but the plan he had created for his "date" was simply to good to pass up for the artist.

Suddenly his door burst open, revealing a slightly worried looking Rarity. She stepped in, and said, "Sorry darling, but your date has to be rescheduled. Princess Celestia has asked the girls and me to go to Canterlot, and she said it was urgent." Without waiting for a response, Rarity left to go to her room to pack, leaving a confused Deidara.

He turned back to his mirror, and asked his reflection, "This is so sudden, hmm. i wonder what that could mean?" All at once he realized that six of his few sources of entertainment were about to leave. "What am I going to do, hmm?" Just then, he looked out the window, and saw it was raining a dark brown liquid. "What the hell, hmm?"

Deidara was walking through downtown Ponyville, or rather, what passed for downtown in such a small village. It had been several hours since the so-called Elements of Harmony had left for Canterlot, and he had absolutely nothing to do except walk throw the rain of what he had determined to be chocolate milk. He had considered blowing up a building, but he already had once this week, and doing it more times would make it stale. Besides, at the moment he was content watching the chaos of the town.

Deidara heard the pitter patter of many small feet, and saw a stamped of bunnies. His one visible eye widened slightly at seeing all the bunnies had extremely long legs, and thus towered over him. And he started guffawing when all the houses turned upside down, much to the panic of the ponies within. "Ha ha ha ha." He chortled, "Whoever is doing this has a fine sense of art."

"I'm glad you approve, human..." A suave voice called out from behind the blonde bomber. Deidara spun around, and was greeted by the sight of a strange mish-mash of creatures doing a back stroke through the air. "I must say, you are quite the chaotic creature yourself."

Deidara seemed to take offense at this, and called out, "I'm an artist, hmm! Of course I'm chaotic, how else could I create my masterpieces?"

The creature, who identified himself as Discord, chuckled at Deidara's temper, before adding, "How would you like to create some of your "art" as you call it?"

Of course Deidara nodded. Discord snapped his fingers, and a blinding white flash flashed from Deidara's body. When the light subsided, there stood a very much human Deidara, wearing his Akatsuiki cloak, ring, and a feral grin.

Discord smiled upon seeing his face, and was pleased to sit back and see what chaos this human could cause. He smoothly called out, "Well, I'll just provide you with an audience." He snapped again, and a couch and a bowl of popcorn appeared. He sat on the popcorn and started eating the couch.

Suddenly, with a poof, Deidara was standing on a massive clay dragon, which made Discord lean forward in anticipation. Not wanting to disappoint, Deidara rose up into the air on top of his creation, which opened its mouth, revealing a smaller dragon inside of it. After making several handseals, the smaller dragon flew at an extreme pace into a particularly ugly house, and detonated in a massive explosion, sending the owner of the house flying far into the distance in a comical fashion.

Discord laughed and clapped, before calling out, "Encore! Encore!" Deidara was happy to oblige.

After nearly half an hour, Discord was bored with Deidara's explosions. As he yawned, he said, "Well, I guess your art is okay to hold my attention for this long, but the novelty of you blowing stuff up has long since passed. Eh, I'm done." He snapped his fingers, and restored Ponyville from all of the explosions Deidara had been creating.

Without warning, Deidara exploded, "That's what I fucking hate about you! Always judging me with your eyes! Well, let's see how you would like to become art, hmm!" He started laughing maniacly, even harder when he saw that Discord hadn't yet left, waiting to see if Deidara would suddenly become more interesting. Deidara reached into his fanny pack, and pulled out a particularly large wad of clay. He popped it into his mouth, and began chewing.

After a second, he leaned forward, and a completely disproportionate amount of clay burst out of his mouth, pouring onto the ground below. Discord's curiosity was piqued, and he leaned forward in anticipation. This was a mistake. The writhing mass of white clay began to take on different colors and shapes, until it formed a giant clone of Deidara 40 stories tall. Deidara flopped back onto his dragon, exhausted, and said, "This is my ultimate art: The C4 Karura! I hope you like it."

The clay golem of Deidara walked briskly forward as Deidara flew backwards, until the clay giant was directly underneath Discord. Suddenly, it expanded quickly until it looked like an over-inflated balloon. And just like that, it popped, again like a balloon.

Discord waited a moment, but nothing happened. He waited a moment, hoping something would happen to justify his waiting, but nothing did. He turned to leave, but stopped to call over his shoulder, "How disappointing. If that was your strongest attack... Of course, nothing you could ever do would affect me."

Suddenly, he noticed he felt.. off. He was puzzled, until he gave a loud gasp of pain that turned into a scream of agony. Before Deidara's eyes, he started to disintegrate. Before he was completely gone, Deidara laughed and explained, " This is my strongest attack, I create a doll in the image of myself. When the doll ruptures, it releases a cloud of microscopic bombs that enter the bloodstream of anyone who inhales them, hmm. On my command, the mirco-bombs' detonation causes the victims' bodies to disintegrate at the cellular level; literally turning them into dust. It is unbeatable, hmm!"

By the time his explanation was finished, Discord's body had completely vanished, as dust on the wind. Dust that formed a whirlwind and quickly reformed into the very image of Discord. Who was not pleased.

He wore an uncharacteristically angry expression, and nearly roared, "You dare to attack the Lord of Chaos! Well, let's see how you like being discorded!" He snapped his fingers, again, and Deidara's bird diss appeared. He fell from a high height, and kicked up a small dust cloud upon hitting the ground.

Upon the clearing of the dust cloud, it was clear that Deidara was back in his pony form, only a greyish blonde instead of his regular, bright shade. When he opened his right eye, the only one visible, the pupil quickly shrunk in terror. He gave a small "eep" and quickly backed away from the scary looking draconequus. He covered his face with his mane, and gave a small whimper, before turning and running off quickly, leaving a very amused Discord chuckling.


End file.
